One of the things that surprised me the most as I was reading this book was the weird lack of conclusion to the huge “romantic” build-up between Genly Ai and Estraven. It seemed to follow the classic formula. You find out pretty early on that Estraven is pining over Genly. (“Why can I never set my heart on a possible thing?”) Genly Ai doesn’t seem to trust or like The Mysterious Stranger. But then Estraven saves him and they have a Bonding Experience on the ice, and they’re Alone Together and there’s this moment of Awkward Sexual Tension. It’s every young adult romance, slowly building up through the book.

And then it sort of fizzles out. They can’t cross this barrier of “alieness”. Even their mindspeaking, which certainly has some romantic/sexual/bonding undertones (especially given the way Genly reminds Estraven of his sibling), ends in discomfort/fear for Estraven and deep confusion for Genly.

I don’t know why this was initially so disappointing. I hate that sex is the end all be all of our society and I appreciated that Genly and Estraven were able to push through their differences and experience the joy of their journey with a strong platonic love instead. Perhaps I’m just so used to seeing it pan out that way.

Maybe it is also unsettling because this instance presents the only duality (Genly and Estraven) in the book that doesn’t seem to come together in the end, after being at odds earlier. Light and darkness come together on the ice (sun and shadow are both needed to cross safely), as do fear and courage, and cold and warmth. Estraven’s masculinity and femininity finally come together and make sense for Genly and their two races eventually unite at the end.

Of course, all these things are a result of Genly and Estraven’s trek across the ice, which is successful because love finally bridges their differences, even their physical ones. Maybe the whole situation is just pointing out the unimportance of sex in trust and success and unity, which would be awesome, given how centered on sex the rest of Gethen’s culture seems to be. Keeping their relationship away from sex or even romantic closeness also keeps it from becoming too heteronormative and expected. We, as readers, are still in this world were sex and romance and gender are different. They’re not going to follow our formula, but instead define a new one.

Also, people have made playlists for, like, background music?! the Internet is an amazing place.